Jokes to brighten up your day…😹😹😹

1. What do electricians call a power outage?

A: A current event

2. Q: What do you call an electrician who tries to work as a carpenter?

A: A bad electrician

Q: What do you call a carpenter who tries to work as an electrician?

A: A dead carpenter

3. Q: How tall is a union electrician?

A: Don’t know. I’ve never seen one of them stand up to do something.

4. Q: What’s the difference between God and an electrician?

A: God doesn’t think he’s an electrician.

5. Chief electrical engineer: “You told me you’d have this job finished in 3 days.”

Engineer: “I didn’t say it would be 3 consecutive days.”

6. His first Christmas, the engineer gave his mother-in-law an electric toothbrush. The next Christmas, he gave her an electric blanket. On the third, he gave her an electric carving knife. Yep, he’s working his way up to the electric chair.

7. New engineer: “How do you estimate how long it will take to do a project from start to finish?”

Longtime engineer: “I add up how long it takes to complete each task, then multiply the sum by pi.”

New engineer: “Why pi?”

Longtime engineer: “To make sure all my budgets are irrational.”

8. One manager was bragging to another. “I have a great new electrician working for me. Last week I gave him a project and he stayed up for 4 straight days, completed the circuit board design, finished the bill of materials, and everything was perfect. Monday morning the client called and was thrilled with the results.”

His friend asked, “So how far ahead of schedule did he finish?”

The manager said, “Ahead of schedule? Who ever heard of an electrician finishing ahead of schedule?”

9. What’s fried, gray, and hangs from the ceiling?

A: An electrician apprentice who didn’t listen

10. Electricians never die.

They just do it til it Hertz.

11. Did you hear about the electrician who wore two jackets when painting the house?

The instructions said, “For best results, put on two coats.”

12. An evil genie captured an electrician and two of her friends. Before banishing them to the desert for a week, the genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn’t die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep from getting sunburned. The electrician brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window!

13. What does one electrician say to another when they run into each other out in public?

A: Watt’s up!!

14. These electrician jokes are lame. Don’t you have some more current ones?

15. Several electricians were working outside my new house while I mopped the floors. Just minutes after I finsihed, one asked to use my bathroom. I couldn’t say no, but his boots were caked with mud and my floors were so clean. “Just a minute,” I said, “I’ll put down newspapers.”

His response, “That’s all right, lady. I’m already trained.”

16. A man who was hard of hearing was going on a tour of a power plant. He arrived late and had to join the rest of the group already on the tour. The man was reviewing what he had just told the group. He told the group that they wouldn’t move on until they answered this one question: What is the unit of power equal to one joule per second called?” The man with the hearing problem hadn’t heard the question very well, so he raised his hand and asked “What?” (Note: What = Watt, for those who are not electricians)

17. Did you hear about the old electrician who liked to have a little fun with apprentices?

On their first day together, he would put on a wig with hair that appeared to be zapped with energy and pretend to stick his finger in a socket. It never got old.

18. An old electrician was trying to make a pre-apprentice laugh. Nothing worked. He finally said, “I give up. I guess my jokes are just too old. I need some that are more current.”

19. A journeyman asked an apprentice to name two types of transformers.

His answer: Decepticons and Autobots

20. An electrician was working on the power at an ice cream factory. With a giant spark, everything blew. The company’s gone into liquidation.21.A young electrician goes to the doctor and says, “Every morning I step out my front door and start walking to work and before I get very far I get what feels like an electric shock from the pavement. The doctor asks,”How often does this happen?”

The electrician answers,” It can be as much as three times on the way there and the same on the way back home”. The doctor says, “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a phase you’re going through.”

21. An older electrician was dying. Just before he slipped away, he told his nephew, an electrical apprentice.

“Remember, with great power comes great current squared times resistance.”

22. After spending hours trying to fix the light switch, the electrician was frustrated and gave up. Before leaving, he took a big marker and wrote off at the top of the switch and on at the bottom.

23. How did his crew know the electrical foreman was dead?

A: The donut rolled out of his hand.

24. A plumber, a pipefitter, and a carpenter walk into a bar. The electrician ducks

25. For a family photo, the electrican pulled on his favorite shirt. It said, “I’m an electrician. To save time, let’s just assume I am never wrong.”

26. How do you know how if an electrician is working with AC or DC power?

A: If it’s AC, his teeth chatter when he grabs the conductors. If it’s DC, they just clamp together.

27. An electrician was working on a car wash project that involved driving ground rods and running ground wire before setting a pre-cast utility transformer pad in place. He forgot to bring his ground rod driver and decided to improvise. He borrowed a post driver from a contractor. All was going fine until the 8-foot rod was about 4 feet into the ground. The rod caught on the bottom edge of the driver. The electrician was leaning into it, transferring all his downward force to the driver. It came back and hit him in the head. Not to be deterred, he swung the driver again. The top of the driver cut his forehead open.

THERE’S A MORAL TO THIS STORY: Always use the right equipment.

28. How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, just hold the bulb up and the whole world revolves around him.

29. At the end of the day, the old apprentice called the new kid over and said, “Don’t forget to stop by the shop on your way home and fill out the id10t form.”

The kid looked confused and asked him to write it down, so he didn’t forget the name of the form. After driving an hour out of the way, he walks into the office and asks the secretary for the ID 10T form. She’s confused, so he hands her the piece of paper. She, and the rest of the office staff laughed him right out the door.

30. The new apprentice went over to the tool room after he was told by the foreman to go get a wrench. The lady in the room asked him what kind of wrench.

He answered, “I don’t know. He just said a wrench. Are there different kinds?” She sent him back with a 36-inch pipe wrench. A few minutes later he was back. He never forgot to ask what kind of wrench again.

31. A lady called an electrician to repair her doorbell. He didn’t show up for 4 days. The lady called back.

The electrician replied, “Lady, I’ve been coming out there for 4 days. I press the bell and nobody comes.”

32. And God said ‘Let there be light’ and there was light.

But the electricity board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.” – Spike Milligan

33. Old electrician receives a call about a room that wasn’t wired properly.

He arrives and asks, “What makes you think this room wasn’t wired properly?” The homeowner flips a switch and sparks start flying, his eyes bulge, and his hair frizzes out. The electrician says, “Well, you might be right.”

34. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, just like electricians and plumbers, electricians and engineers, and electricians and electricians.

 

35. Where do electricians get their supplies?

A: The Ohm Depot

36. An electrician got home at 4am. His wife asks him, “Wire you insulate?”

He replies, “Watt’s it to you? I’m Ohm, aren’t I?”

37. An electrician finished repairing some faulty wiring in an attorney’s home and handed him the bill.

”Four hundred dollars! For one hour of work?” shouts the attorney. ”That’s crazy! I’m an attorney and even I don’t charge that much.”

The electrician replies, ”Funny, when I was an attorney I didn’t either!”

38. What kind of car did the electrician drive?

A: A Volts-wagon

39. A superconductor entered a bar. The bartender shouted, “Get out of here! We don’t serve your kind.”

The superconductor left without resistance.

40. Paddy, an electrician, was sacked by the U.S. Prison Service for refusing to repair an electric chair.

He said in his opinion, the chair was a f*%#^!% death trap.

PHOTO https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFLbP7K8PSughMCDSttcJix_QUAgc2GaizEiYAp1ToDhE4BQl7YA

41. What’s an electrician’s favorite ice cream flavor?

A: Shock-o-late

42. Whenever my dad goes out in public, he advertises his services by wearing a shirt that says “Call me an electrician, and I’ll repair what your husband fixed.”

43. What’s another name for an electrical apprentice?

A: A shock absorber

44. What was the electrician/ detective’s name?

A: Sherlock Ohms

45. How does an electrician know a dead battery in a pile of good ones?

A: It’s lost its spark.

46. Sitting at the union hall, an electrician was reminiscing about his favorite moment. He said, “Years ago, I had a new helper that boasted that he had 2 1/2 years experience. After working with him for a day, I could tell either he hadn’t learned anything in his 2 1/2 years or he was very green. We were working on a 6 story motel project with tons of MC pulling. the next morning, I told him I needed the only MC bender we had and sent him off to look for it. He managed to ask every electrician on the jobsie one by one. They all caught on and sent him to the next guy. He returned in 45 minutes saying it must be lost. I grabbed a piece of MC and bent a 90 and said “I found it” He quit a few days later because nobody could stop laughing at him every time they saw him.”

47. What did the electrician get on his general foreman exam?

A: Slobber

48. The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

The family decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose – how to handle that great-uncle George, an electrician who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.”

49. Two electricians were on the roof of a barn running power to it from a nearby pole when their ladder blew down. No one was around and they didn’t have a phone, so they started looking around to see if there was another way down. On one end of the barn, there was a pile of manure, but they couldn’t tell how deep it was. One said to the other, ”I think we could jump in that manure and it would break our fall.” The other one replied, “Go ahead if you want to, but I think I’ll keep looking for another way.”

A couple minutes later he could hear his buddy yelling, “It’s ok. It’s only ankle deep!” The second guy decides to go for it and takes the leap, but he sinks up to his neck. As he wades out of the pile covered from head to toe with sh1t, his buddy comes around the corner. “I thought you said it was only ankle deep” he yelled. The other electrician says, “Well it is if you land head first like I did.”

50. The wife asked her husband “What are you reading darling?”

A: It’s a quote from the electrician, he said $300 should cover the cost of him coming to laugh at us.